Facebook "Rape"

Rape? RAPE!? How did this terminology come to be? It's not even close to rape.

If Facebook rape is any crime it's more like identity fraud (in fact that's exactly what it is) except nobody is stealing money or sneaking into the country, they're just wearing your face and calling themselves gay. But if it must be a sexual crime, it's more like asking somebody to call themselves a slut while you slap their titties around, but even then the ruse of the symbolism is broken because the other person knows they're saying it. That'd be like the victim overseeing and allowing somebody to go on their account and say they like waking up to big fat latino cocks resting on their forehead. It's actually exactly like possessing somebody. It should be called "Facebook Possession", but instead of thinking of the relevant word, people just stick rape on the end as if it's a catch-all term.

"Yo dude, I totally got raped in the train station the other day"

"What, you got RAPED? IN. THE. ASS!?"

"Um, nah, I dropped my slushy."

The rape seems to be more about the fact you got raped than what is said during the rape anyway. In this instance it would actually be like rape because nobody tends to ask what hole you were raped in; it's usually implied. Well, except sexual forensic scientists. Haha, I think I just made that job title up. Fuck you; you know what I mean. When they're getting all chatty and shit about how they were raped, that's when people should ask in what hole it was. You might get some fakers who were only made to give sweaty hand-jobs. That's not rape worthy, that's Repetitive Strain Injury worthy at most. Is there a range both genitalia have to be within for it to be considered rape? Hmm. Is getting face-fucked rape? Is there like a bright flash when both genitalia connect that makes it rape? What if the dude just kind of flicked his knob on her pubic hair then went home? Is that rape? Oh man, you totally know that bitch would tell everyone she just got raped regardless though, and full on tell motherfuckers in court she got raped. I don't consider face-fucking rape to the same degree. It's like between rape and grievous sexual assault. Hmm. Is anal rape only considered rape because it's near the cock and balls and kind of like a vagina in its positioning, similar relative inertness, and well, hole-ness?

These are all questions you should be asking.

Oh, wait a minute. Is rape when you're fucked in a hole you can contract venereal disease from sticking your dick into? I THINK THAT MIGHT BE IT. That would make forced blowjobs rape though. Pesky herpes screwing up my whole categorisation system. How about when you're fucked in a hole you can catch a viral STD from? I know what you're thinking, "what about spit Dr. Pseudonym?" Well, young padawan, spit, you see, isn't very good at carrying STDs! It would take around 20 buckets of an HIV positive person's spit to stand a chance of getting AIDS from it!" Haaaa, I don't know if that's true for all diseases, but until doctors and legal people straight up say "for the last time blowjobs don't count and that's that!" this system fixes all the bureaucratic oversights.

Okay, as far as I'm concerned, it goes pussy rape, butt-hole rape, then mouth sort-of-rape, in that order. They're the three degrees of rape.

Facebook isn't one of them.

...

Too dark? Fuck it.

I was raped once. Didn't work. Facebook rape, that is. See the confusion I'm talking about?

Anyway, you know why it didn't work? I'm immune. I say a whole bunch of stupid shit and like 80% of what I do say is sarcastic as fuck, so if I do say some shit like "I'm gay" people just think it's me and I'm being a dick. The only way motherfuckers know about my rape is when there's shoddy grammar and wrong use of punctuation. I don't stand for that shit. But maybe people would think I anticipated the poor grammar and punctuation so I'm immune all over!

Right, bed time.